I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
