We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize