I love black thongs
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize