I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think my moral compass just broke
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
