the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
