I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
