i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
only you would photoshop your dick
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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