moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize