i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
