onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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