Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
