At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
