garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
