she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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