bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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