hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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