Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
