my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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