another moral hangover. fuck.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
