a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
