Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize