hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
