well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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