I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
