shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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