By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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