You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We left the knife in your bed.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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