If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
