U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
