No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I want her autograph on my taint
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
