if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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