im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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