ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
