Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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