the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize