It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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