So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
