nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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