I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
