We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
