Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
