I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
