Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They took my balls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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