So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
