i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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