First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
