just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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