sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
