the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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