i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
