I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
