I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
