The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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