my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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