what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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