how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
