remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
