I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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