dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
