He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
