Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i think i just lost a toe
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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