I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
