Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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