end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
