can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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