can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
