Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize