my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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