hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
