you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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