Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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