all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
