feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
