Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
