Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
