how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize