remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
