If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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