I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
