office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
