12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
