mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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