He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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