I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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