Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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