The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
