I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
