i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
