I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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