I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
