Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk is not a location!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
