Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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