my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
