you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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