this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
