Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize