The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
