ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
