just tell him i said nine months
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
