hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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