He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
