Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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