god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
