So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
