direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
