I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize